The third and final instalment to the Self-care series
Self-care is also about celebrating the small things. We set standards for ourselves, usually impossibly high standards that we would not expect others to reach. Some high achievers set equally high standards for the people around them because they see these people as extensions of themselves (we’ll discuss the intricacies of this situation in another post). In my situation, I had given myself a time frame to achieve everything on my to-do list and every day that ended was a day closer to my imagined deadline.
I also believed certain things about myself, for example that I get in the way of my own success, and I was working hard to prove myself wrong. Every day that I did not tick something off my to-do list, it confirmed to me that I got in my own way and this was stressful not to mention demoralising. In all my self-flagellation, what I failed to notice were my small successes and ignoring these even led to me ignoring when I’d ticked an item off my to-do list. While I was worrying about successfully completing my masters, I had begun to get good grades on my courses, but I never celebrated. For many reasons, the most of all was that I was afraid of “resting on my laurels”; of slipping into mediocrity (we’ll talk about how mediocrity is honestly slander).
I made pretences at being happy but all I could think was what if I can’t carry this to my next course and I fail that one. I missed the fact that in getting good grades in the courses, I was well on my way to passing my masters successfully. It seems logical to talk about but at the time, I could not see the forest for the trees (I missed the big picture). I did not learn to celebrate the small wins until recently. Now, I break my big goals into little steps and when I successfully complete each little step, I take the time to celebrate by doing a little happy dance or rewarding myself with a pack of sweets. It may not seem like much, but these little celebrations spur me on to the next step, they energise me, and I find that I get to my next step even more quickly. In other words, when we celebrate the small things, it boosts our confidence and reassures us of our abilities, it reduces stress and makes us more open-minded and receptive.
Self-care is about the whole you; the past, the present and the future you. As we evolve, psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally, we have certain beliefs about ourselves that shift and change with our experiences. Me, three years ago, would not have been as forgiving on herself as I am now (and I am not nearly forgiving enough however, work in progress). I chose to believe the worst things about myself, however the more I made time for me the easier it was to debunk these beliefs. Now, I am more likely to question my beliefs about myself and where I can objectively find them to be true, I take steps to be better. Self-care should consist of practices that allow you to be your most ideal self at every stage of your life. Sometimes these practices include fighting with yourself on your own behalf, fighting for time, energy, and consideration. When you decide who your ideal self is, highlight the self-care practices that you will need to get there.
Practicing self-care is hard and it continues for as long as you live. The real difficulty is knowing exactly what is good for you in any specific moment because as a human being, you are in a continuous state of mental and emotional evolution. Many self-care enthusiasts, like myself, also find it difficult to practice self-care sometime because it takes conscious effort and you have to be willing to put in hours and days of mindful work. You may not notice the effects right away (especially because everyone’s process is different) but soon you’ll notice how much better you are at dealing with complex emotions and people. Add one self-care thing, it doesn’t have to be major, to your daily routine and see the difference; for me, I included morning affirmations and I refuse to start my day without them now.
Mind Matters 